I wrote this dialogue between Donald Trump’s super-ego and id soon after the insurrection at the Capitol on January 6th, and I’m publishing it here for the first time on February 10th in the midst of his second impeachment trial. As more and more damning details emerge about his role in inciting violence, and the way millions of his followers drank the Kool-Aid, our democracy appears more imperiled than ever before, especially since he’s likely to be acquitted because of the spineless Republican scumbags in the Senate.
I’d been hoping that in 2021, Trump would shrivel up and disappear in the rear view mirror, and that I wouldn’t have to write about him ever again, but alas, that’s not the case. This dialogue now seems too light-hearted to capture the depths of his malignant and sadistic sociopathic evil, but for what it’s worth, here it is.
Dialogue between Super Don and Baby Donny
Super Don
I’m Donald’s Super Ego, but that hardly does me justice. I’m the greatest ever, the most fabulous Don the world has ever known.
Baby Donny
Don as in Mob Boss, right? The Godfather type of Don?
Super Don
Yeah, but I’m much greater than that. My millions of followers worship me. For them, I’m God, but I’m much better looking than that guy in the sky in all those old-master paintings in the gold frames. Those frames, by the way, are worth a hell of a lot more than the boring old paintings inside them.
Baby Donny
Since when are you an art appraiser?
Super Don
Since all those trips we took to Europe. Remember our tour of Versailles? That Louis IV had fabulous taste. My decorators have modeled all my interiors after that place. I even have a solid gold toilet. But I’m a far greater king than Louis ever was.
Baby Donny
Too bad you can’t dress like him. You’re kind of a stuffed shirt, jammed into those boring blue suits with the red tie that hangs almost to your crotch. I’m Donald’s Id, and in my way, I’m more powerful than you.
Super Don
Donald’s id? That’s short for idiot, right?
Baby Donny
You really are a dummy. Freud invented the word. The id is that part of the psyche that’s ruled by pure instinct and emotion. In other words, me.
Super Don
Give me a break and cut the psychobabble. Shrinks are total con artists.
Baby Donny
How would you know? You’ve never been to one.
Super Don
Damn right I haven’t. Our father taught us well. To be successful, never show signs of weakness. Never back down. Once you’ve said something, never ever change your mind. Above all, never ever apologize. Shrinks go rooting around in your head and fucking with your brain. You get confused, and then you lose. And like Father said, losing is the greatest sin of all.
Baby Donny
Fuck what Father said. He screwed us up totally. Never showed us a shred of affection, never said he loved us. That’s why I throw such terrifying tantrums. I’m like a toddler who never got out of the Terrible Twos. If I don’t get my way. I yell and scream, and I can keep it up for days—like now, after they stole the election. I can shout really loud. My courtiers cower in the corners. Sometimes they run from the room in panic.
Super Don
When we were toddlers, throwing tantrums never did us any good. Mother was basically out of the picture, hiding away in her bedroom with her damn depression.
Baby Donny
Don’t I know it. I’ve always felt like that John Lennon song where he screams for his mother. That’s when he was in primal therapy with that Doctor Janov, who thought screaming was the solution for everything.
Super Don
There you go with that psychobabble again. But maybe that shrink was on to something. Screaming didn’t work on our parents, but now that I’m grown up, it works damn well, especially since I’m well over two hundred pounds and over six feet tall. And since I’m king of the castle—no, make that king of the world—no one can stop me.
Baby Donny
That’s true, especially since Father died. He wouldn’t stand for tantrums. In fact he didn’t give a shit about our feelings. He just wanted absolute power over us.
Super Don
But of all us kids, I was his favorite, the rightful heir to his kingdom, because he knew I was a fighter with the balls to fight for our family. That’s why he made me the front man for the business. That and the fact that I was so good looking and knew how to mingle and charm the uber-rich at the pinnacle of power in Manhattan. Old Fred never made it out of Queens.
Baby Donny
Still, he was the power behind your golden throne. He was always there to bail you out with millions of dollars whenever you got in over your head with your failed business deals, like those Atlantic City casinos. He let you take all the credit right up to the end, when he finally succumbed to Alzheimer’s. That can run in families, you know. Aren’t you worried we might get it?
Super Don
Hell, no. I’m 74, and I’m as sharp as ever. Sharper, in fact. I’m the ultimate authority on everything. Take the Chinese virus, for example. I know more about it than Dr. Fauci and all those asshole scientists. I know masks are a sign of weakness. So what if millions of people die? It’s nature’s way of weeding out the weakest, like Darwin said. Only the strong survive, and that’s a good thing, because the world is overpopulated. With millions of losers dead, there’ll be that much more for superior people like me.
Leave a Reply