The Most Over-Hyped Time of the Year

Only five days till Christmas, and I’m immersed in the holiday spirit. But there have been past Christmases when I was mired in depression or feeling very “bah humbug” about the holidays. I’m well aware that this season conjures up a wide range of emotions in shades from joy to despair, and that December can be a problematic time for many people, especially those living alone or with emotional, physical or financial problems. Just this morning a woman in my Nia class told me, “I hate Christmas,” and another told me she dreaded spending the holiday alone.

On my car radio, even the country station has been playing Andy Williams’s inescapable “Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”* I wrote and posted this parody two years ago, but I think it stands the test of time, so I’m sharing it once again. It went over well when I sang it acapella at Dan Wilcox’s poetry reading at the Social Justice Center last night. Feel free to print out and borrow them for your local sing-along.

IT’S THE MOST OVER-HYPED TIME OF THE YEAR

It’s the most over-hyped time of the year.

So you’d better be happy, and best make it snappy

Or people will jeer.

It’s the most over-hyped time of the year.

All your family will want lots of gifts.

So you’d better go shopping, and don’t dream of stopping

Or you’ll cause a rift

If you don’t spring for pricy new gifts.

There’ll be parties each night and if you’re not invited,

Then you can just stay home and mope.

Drink your brandy-spiked eggnog till you’re in a deep fog.

You’ll wake up a hung-over dope!

It’s the season they sing about snow.

But you can’t shovel white stuff ‘less you’ve got the right stuff.

Head south now, just go –

Oops, you can’t, ‘cause you don’t have the dough.

Hang those lights, deck those halls. If being cheery seems false,

Just keep wearing that shit-eating grin.**

This will pass soon enough, just hang in and stay tough

Till the January bills trickle in!

But for now, eat and drink, have no fear.

Though this season’s depressing, more turkey and dressing

Will fill you with cheer,

And you’ll gain ten more pounds for New Year!

*The song was written by Edward Pola and George Wyle for the Andy Williams TV show and premiered in 1963. It wasn’t an overnight smash, but he sang it every year and it slowly gained popularity. Now, love it or hate it, it ranks among the top ten Christmas songs. Andy Williams died in September, 2012.

**Substitute “big phony grin” if you prefer to avoid profanity. 

Soon I’ll be headed over to a holiday sing-along party at a little community church on Snyders Lake. I’ll bring these lyrics along, but I have a hunch I won’t sing them for fear of dumping a wet blanket over the festivities. I may bring a few of my books along, though, in hopes folks might be in the mood for some last-minute shopping.

Speaking of shopping, Amazon tells me there’s still time to get the paperback editions of Hope Dawns Eternal and Mood Swing: The Bipolar Murders before Christmas, and you can get them on Kindle instantly. If you do, you’ll contribute mightily to my holiday cheer.

Here’s wishing you and yours a joyous holiday season. Amidst all the last-minute hustle and bustle, don’t forget to be good to yourself! Sipping eggnog while enjoying a long hot bubble bath is one suggestion, but I’m sure you can come up with lots of others. Enjoy!